War Horse

I had lovely plans this weekend. What's that saying? How do you make the gods laugh? Tell them your plans.

It all started out so well. Our friends arrived on Friday evening. We enjoyed a drink outside in the garden while we waited for our Chinese takeaway. Said Chinese takeaway was delicious and we had some nice chats and laughs while we ate and drank. We watched a fun film.

On Saturday, we had a chilled out morning and had a relaxed get ready to go out in the evening. We went into town and had a nice pre-dinner drink before we went to the tapas restaurant and met up with our other friends. The food was delicious and we were enjoying being in good company.

After dinner we made the short walk to the theatre where we were going to see War Horse. I was so excited to see it as I have wanted to see it for a long time.

It wasn't long into the show that I very suddenly took ill. I have very familiar and well documented pain in my lower abdomen on the left side so when it started up, I wasn't initially too concerned as it's often manageable. Only, this time it didn't plateau. It felt like that pain was just building and building. It was so intense that I soon couldn't focus on the show at all. In fact, I spent the majority of the first half with my head bent forwards and just trying to concentrate on breathing.

We were right in the middle of a row quite close to the front and I was starting to panic because the pain was becoming unbearable and I felt stuck.

I managed to hold out until the interval and then told my husband what was going and that I thought I needed an ambulance. I don't say that lightly. I've been dealing with Endometriosis and congested pelvis pain symptoms for many years now. I consider myself to have quite a high tolerance for pain and being able to mask. That went out of the window. I was in agony. My friend took charge of the situation and got me out of the auditorium and got a member of staff who was very kind and immediately tried to get me an ambulance.

I spoke to an ambulance operator on the phone and she was honest and said that it was unlikely they would be able to get an ambulance to me in the next few hours so if I could get to A&E on my own steam, that would be best.

Despite being in so much pain, I still managed to feel mortified and self-conscious about the drama I was causing and I felt terrible that I was spoiling everyone's evening so I was glad that my friends were able to go back in for the second half and my husband stayed with me while we waited for a taxi to the hospital.

Not long after everyone went back in for the second half of the show, I felt like the pain was easing off. We prevaricated for a couple of minutes and after thinking about the prospect of A&E on a Saturday night and the likely hours long wait ahead of us, we decided to cancel the taxi and just hang out in the theatre foyer and see how we got on. We had given our friends our house key so we thought it might work out best to just be able to go home when our friends came out after the show.

Yeah...so that didn't happen. The pain amped up to 11 with no preamble. I was doubled over, gasping, crying out and in tears as the pain was so unbearable. We didn't wait around this time, we ordered another taxi and all the while we were in the taxi, I thought the poor taxi driver must have thought I was labouring as I was just gasping and breathing fast and crying. Poor Adam did his best to console me but he must have felt quite hopeless having to watch me being driven over by a tank of pain.

We spent the next few hours in A&E. The first hour we were there I was just crying on Adam and still in intense pain and it was scary because this went beyond my norm and there didn't seem to be an end in sight to it. Perhaps I have taken for granted my regular pain and that I have usually been able to manage it. I think I have been good at masking too. I've been able to smile and have conversations even when I've been in considerable pain. This time that was completely stripped away and I felt very vulnerable being so publicly in so much pain.

Luckily, I had a sheet of Tramadol in my bag and I think it started to help ease the pain after the first hour at the hospital.

The triage nurse took my temperature and blood pressure and then sent me off to provide a urine sample and to get some bloods. They took three vials and then we were sent back to the waiting room until they had been processed and to wait to be called in by a doctor.

We were waiting for a couple of hours and then got called in by a doctor. He was lovely. I gave him a potted history of my Endometriosis and congested pelvis history. He felt around my tummy which he said was "nice and soft" so he wasn't concerned there and he said part of my test results showed that I was dehydrated but he expected my remaining tests would be fine and that this was an especially bad endo flare-up .

I appreciated that he listened to me. I explained about my daily pain and that it would take a lot to make me feel like I needed to come to A&E. At that point the pain had eased off significantly but when I said that a couple of hours before I was crying in the waiting room in agony, he said he believed me that it had been that bad.

I told him I was due to see my gynaecologist on Monday afternoon so he advised to definitely mention this trip to A&E but there wasn't much more they could do.

He sent us back out to the waiting room and that he would come and find us when the rest of the results came through which he expected would be within the next hour. He was true to his word and found us about 45 minutes later. He said my liver and kidney function looked fine and there was no infection so he discharged me and told me to go home, drink plenty of water and go to bed and rest.

I pretty much knew going to A&E was going to go this way but in the heat of the agonising moment, I didn't feel like I had any other choice. Thankfully, Tramadol and time had done its thing.

We got a taxi home which arrived within a couple of minutes thankfully and we were only 10 minutes away from the hospital. Our friends had left our house key where it was hidden but accessible so we could let ourselves in without disturbing them as it was around 3am at that point.

I feel pretty exhausted now. Being in intense pain for an extended period is draining, and like being in a losing battle. It's tiring just waiting around.

I did get some sleep but not very much. I did wake up as close to no pain as I ever get which felt blissful in comparison to the night before.

Our friends were very caring and solicitous, and we had already been booked in for lunch at our local pub and thankfully, I felt well enough for that and it felt like an opportunity to rescue the weekend a bit. It turned out to be a lovely afternoon and I'm grateful I was able to make it out.

I feel very sad and disappointed to have missed most of the show. What I did see was beautiful and I had been so looking forward to it. I'm hoping to be able to catch it on a future tour.

Even though I was in such terrible pain, and even though I felt mortified by guilt and self-consciousness, I need to acknowledge some positives. My friends were so kind and concerned and supportive. Total strangers asked if I was okay or needed any help. The staff at the theatre were very kind and helpful. The nurses at the hospital were good natured and the doctor was gentle and easy to talk to. It makes so much of a difference to feel heard and seen.

My husband was more than a crutch. He kept trying to reassure me that it wasn't my fault every time I tried to apologise for ruining the evening and stayed by my side. He validated me by telling the doctor that he had never seen me cry in pain like this.

I do feel very lucky to have been surrounded by people who cared for me so much.

Tomorrow I'm seeing the gynaecologist . I haven't mentioned my visit last week because I was already in the process of drafting a separate blog post and was going to wait until my appointment tomorrow to go into more detail. Essentially, she wants to remove the coil and there's a monthly injection specifically for Endometriosis symptoms which she wants to try me on. I'd still like to wait until that's all been done and I know more so I will end this here and post again soon.

Right now, I'm just taking it easy. I'm going to allow myself to feel a bit sad, but in the main, I feel very grateful for my own little "band of brothers".