I got caught up in Life stuff these last couple of weeks which is why I missed posting last week. It was a little teachable moment for me though because I recognised a bad habit of mine and gave myself a talking to about it.
I can set myself traps of worry. I'll worry about things years in advance, I'll worry about hypothetical worries, I'll worry if I have forgotten to worry about something.
The last couple of weeks I was really tired and drained as a result of the Life stuff, which I'll talk about in a moment, and I just didn't have the inclination to do a blog post. It needled at me though.
I had gotten into a routine of posting on my blog every Friday and I found myself getting anxious about not posting anything. It was ridiculous because it's my blog, I can post on it whenever I want to. It was me that put this arbitrary condition on myself, the world wasn't going to end if I didn't post anything. Once I had berated myself about putting completely unnecessary conditions on myself, I was (mostly) fine and could return to my lachrymose-self every time I saw a sad advert, meme or news broadcast.
Since a previous post where I had had a productive conversation with my doctor about the possibility of having Primary Ovarian Insufficiency, I have been waiting for a call back regarding the response from the seek advice letter she had sent to Gynaecology.
I got the call earlier this week. There wasn't much to report. Apparently, they want to see me in person so now I'm waiting for an appointment with the menopause clinic at the women's hospital.
Onto the Life stuff. This is relevant to my health because it speaks to impact of stress on my body.
I moved into my house nearly 15 years ago with a mortgage. I won't go into detail, but since then
there has always been a "silent partner" on the mortgage.
It's always been something hanging over me, with countless attempts to take the mortgage on my own over the years and being told no.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've gone to bed every single night with it being a worry, because as I have said before, I'm the kind of personality that worries years in advance about things. It takes a toll on your body to be virtually vibrating with the stress of all that internal screeching.
Finally, last week, I spoke to the bank and not only are they letting me take the mortgage on and adding my husband on, the existing mortgage rate is staying the same (less than 3%) and the fixed rate doesn't end for a couple of years. This is a relief with the way interest rates are going right now. Scary how things have been going, and so quickly.
I've been working hard on getting debt down and by the time we need to look at the interest rate again, I'll hopefully be debt free, other than the mortgage and able to tackle any rate rises.
This is huge news for us, to finally have complete control over the mortgage and I'm feeling very grateful, relieved, and lucky it has worked out the way that it has.
Right now, we're being a little buried by all the paperworky stuff that comes with solicitors being involved but the bureaucratic stress is worth it to be getting the result we've been working so hard for.
I can't tell you what it feels like right now after nearly 15 years of this constant background drone of stress, for it to be fading away. It will be interesting to see how much the stress has impacted my sensitive body now that drone is getting quieter and quieter.
You know when a house or car alarm has been going off for ages and ages, driving you mad and vexing your nerves, and then it suddenly stops? You can still hear it ringing in your ears for a while and you're not quite sure how to react because you've gotten used to the annoyance of it by this point. It takes a while to adjust.
It's like that.
The rest, is silence
It's all a bit weird at the moment. I'm obviously really happy about resolving an issue that has been a weight on my shoulders for so long, but I haven't quite let the stress go yet. It's been such a constant, I don't think my stress reflex wants to stop the tug of war yet.
I'm sure once we have the updated mortgage deed in our hands, my body will finally get the memo and let go.
It will be interesting to see if there are any health benefits to not internalising so much stress, especially after all this time.
Now I can enjoy the spooky season without obsessively checking credit scores and affordability calculators.
I am in countdown mode for my upcoming holiday. I always book a big chunk of leave in October/November because it's my favourite time of year. It will be nice to enjoy some guilt-free time off that isn't illness related.
It's mine and my husband's wedding anniversary later this month, and of course our big Hallowe'en party that we have every year.
So, I had this post ready and scheduled to post and then there was a bit of a calamity here.
I was on the phone at work when I heard an almighty crash downstairs.
One of the kitchen cabinets had fallen off the wall and sliced my husband's hand open in the process so we've had a trip to A&E. Luckily nothing broken, just needed stitches.
After that there's been the fun of the clean up and figuring out what to do about getting new cupboards.
We've been gratefully assisted with the clean up by a friend who drove over after he had finished work, and another friend came over after that bearing chocolate and hugs.
The unit itself is wrecked but we can hopefully reuse the doors. I'm waiting for a response from our handyman to see if he can help. I was already planning to contact him to replace our kitchen and bathroom sink taps.
Last week it was the oven that broke but that was fixed quite quickly as it just needed a new heating element. I had a feeling there was going to be something else!
So there we have it, some good news and some annoyances. Hopefully, some of the stressy stuff will be resolved by the next time I post!
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