Somehow, it's January 2023! Other than three days in between Christmas and New Year, I have been on holiday and due to that, the fug of cheese and wine, and the time slips inherent to the festive period, I've seldom had a good grasp of what day it is.
I haven't really had the inclination for blogging these last few weeks. The plus side of that is there hasn't been anything hugely of note; and that's the thing with chronic illnesses, they can just keep ticking over. It's not always explosions and flares. Sometimes it's just fizzles and sparks. Annoying but manageable.
Here I am though, getting to the end of my time off and being swept under by the heavy wave of chronic fatigue.
I had plans for my time off, which of course occasioned much amusement by the gods but executive decisions had to be made.
I was intending to hire a skip for a good old clear out, but after all the exhaustion associated with overindulgence and running down the social battery, I knew it would be wise to park that plan. It has also barely stopped raining in weeks so not the most fun time to be doing anything like that.
Not to be too negative though because I am grateful that I was able to enjoy the festive period. My brother came down and spent a week with us, which included my 40th birthday. New Year's Eve, one of our best friends spent it with us, and a few days after that we had another of our lovely friends visit for a couple of days.
It was all lovely. Lots of fun, good food and liver pickling, but it does also take a toll. On top of that, I have slept terribly which made the way I'm feeling now inevitable.
Wednesday for example, was completely lost to a migraine.
I'd woken up with it on Wednesday. I got up, had a cup of tea and some codeine and laid down on the sofa to rest my head and eyes. I ended up prostrate for the rest of the day, only waking up for long enough to decide,
and sink back into a bruised feeling sleep.
I woke up properly at around 11pm that night, feeling very washed out and confused about what day it was. It's so disenchanting to lose whole days like that, especially during precious holiday time from work.
Now, my body and brain are trying to play catch up with my sense of the week. I'm getting there. I really don't want to be going back to work feeling completely exhausted. It's difficult enough that first day back after a holiday as it is.
It's all very frustrating and the cloying downward pull into the black swathes of depression can feel irresistible, especially when you don't have the energy to fight it.
I'm trying not to focus on the reading I haven't done, the tidying that needs doing and all those other things that feel like a pile-on, and I'm just taking it easy.
The Christmas decorations have been taken down and put away which is a big win and I've been enjoying planning my Hallowe’en costume. Yes, already!
I know once I have shifted the ghost of the migraine and had a couple of good sleeps, I will be feeling a lot better.
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