A week after the hysteroscopy and I have been doing pretty well. I was actually in much more pain and discomfort after my internal ultrasound than I was with the hysteroscopy so that was unexpected. I had a little bleeding for a couple of days but it was negligible and codeine kept me on top of any pelvic pain.
Maybe it was partly down to the procedure or maybe it was just stress comedown , or just usual body funsies but I have been absolutely exhausted this week. Like, not just tired, but completely zapped of energy. I could hold enough to get through the work day but after that I was completely done. Dead weight.
Pain I have become pretty good at dealing with. I can cope. Absolute fatigue just does an absolute number on me. Attention span shot so trying to read and having to give up when I've tried to read the same page 10 times. This is particularly upsetting for me when reading is one of my biggest sources of comfort.
One day this week, I just didn't have the energy to be positive and I felt angry which made me feel more tired and I was just generally fed up. I allowed myself to indulge in a little bit of "this is so unfair" and focusing on all the things I couldn't do. For the most part, I feel like I make the best of things. I'm a decent home-body but I think the straw that broke the camel's back was not even being able to read as much or commit to watching a new series. It just felt like my go to comforts were being taken from me.
It's incredibly frustrating when you're so tired but you can't get restful sleep which makes starting each day such a monumental task and putting on a professional and cheerful voice for colleagues chips away at the diminishing energy reserves.
There have definitely been some chinks of light though. Supportive husband, kind friends, art. Something to reach towards and anchor myself.
I reached a point this week where I just felt like I was a festering zombie and it was depressing.
So, it was pay day yesterday and Friday was my early finish so I got dressed up a little bit and wore some makeup for the first time in a couple of weeks, and had dinner and some wine at the pub. It was nice to have a change of scene for a few hours and just have quality time with Adam.
There was some cherished intimacy later on and especially considering how I had been feeling all week but also just generally feeling a bit low about weight gain over the last few years; to be made to feel sexy and attractive and feminine, when my lady parts have so often been a battleground, it made a big difference to my general mood.
Sleep has unfortunately been elusive, so I gave up trying a couple of hours ago. I could descend into rage and frustration that of course I've not been able to sleep after being so tired all week, but I think I feel a bit more mentally able to bear it, which is a huge difference to how it has been all week. I've had a croissant and some tea and orange juice and maybe I'll be able to have a nap later. I'll come through it. Eventually, I claw my way out.
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