Finding some colour

My last few posts have been concerned a lot about my latest rough patch and I've been a bit too much in my own head.

I sometimes battle with being honest about how I'm feeling, both mentally and physically, and maintaining my positivity. Striking a balance is something I always struggle with.

I was back at work after the Easter break and thankfully, I was sleeping a lot better. I was so tired I was tucked up in bed by 7pm but I was at the point of grabbing any opportunity to sleep and I would rather have too much than not enough.

I'm in a better place mentally than I was a few days ago. I'm being plagued by a horrible lower back pain at the moment where it feels like I'm wearing a belt of weights that creates a dragging sensation, thankfully the codeine is quite effective at mellowing the pain out and it mainly gets screamy when I'm trying to stand up.

It helps that it was only a 3 day work week for me and I had some positive calls and things to keep me busy.

Feeling better inside my head also means it's a lot easier to appreciate the little wins.

With the grocery shopping, I had ordered some treats for my shower time. A lovely body scrub that makes my skin feel so clean and new, and a body moisturiser that makes my skin feel soft and smells of cocoa butter.

It does so much for my general sense of well-being to feel clean, invigorated by refreshing cold water and soothed and raised up by my favourite tunes thanks to the Bluetooth speaker in the shower cubicle.

I have managed to be somewhat productive and I've taken heart from being able to complete even little tasks like doing some vacuuming and mopping, tidying and bagging up clothes for charity and doing a bit more cooking instead of being lazy with stuff that is just bunged in the oven or microwave.

Sometimes there's just no pushing through when I'm miserable with pain and fatigue and sometimes I forget that that is okay. I don't have to pretend it's all fine. If I need to mummify myself in bed, that's okay.

Sometimes everything feels washed in grey but there are depths and textures there for all that.

It's heartening to see some colour seeping back through after a few days of good sleep and treating my body well.