Tonight, I watched Sleepy Hollow with my husband. We were talking about it the other day and as I hadn't seen it in years, and we had never seen it together, we decided to make it our Saturday night film.
I'm deep in a codeine haze and white wine fug after a bad day, and Sleepy Hollow seemed to be the perfect blog title and accurate description of how I'm currently feeling!
The pain ramped up yesterday and this morning it was worse. Pretty sure it's my PVCS as it's concentrated on the left hand side of my pelvis, with some throbbing lower back pain thrown in.
I've had to take more codeine than usual which has meant I haven't felt good for much. I had wine with dinner and after the film, my husband asked how my pain was and I said it felt "blurred". He asked if that was a good or bad thing and I replied that I was still in pain but didn't care as much, so I suppose, good?
I do lament not being able to do much on a non-work day but at least I've not had to worry about getting through a work day. At least I have been able to hide underneath a blanket and cat pile.
I've been feeling quite isolated recently, and a bit lonely. It's weird though because I also have the juxtaposition of wanting to hide, burrowing deeper inside myself. Nooch.
I'm mostly happy in my own company. I've spent many a painsomnia night on my own with my books or my comfort TV. I'm ace at being alone. Top Gun. But sometimes I do feel a bit like a caged bird with a broken wing.
The problem that I also have is the dichotomy of wanting to be seen but unseen. I don't want to talk about any of it because then I'd have to talk about it and I don't have the energy for it or I just feel defensive and want to immediately change the subject.
The blog is a perfect compromise. I have complete control over it. I can say what I want to say at a remove and don't have to say any more than I want to.
This too shall pass. It has just been a bad day.
Comments