"Together we will live forever..."

Somehow, it is a year today since we helped our beloved Aragorn on his final journey.

It also heralds the end of the year of "firsts" without him. First Hallowe'en. First Christmas. First new scratching post.

This last week has been difficult emotionally when we entered the "this time last year" of Aragorn's final week. The moment we realised he was at end of life. The phone calls to the euthanasia vet and pet crematorium. Telling people. Holding each other close and crying.

A year on and I'm reflecting on the process of grief. I sometimes refer to it as a journey, but that doesn't feel quite right because unlike most journeys, there isn't a destination. No end point.

There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of him. Missed him. Felt the absence of him in my lap.

We have adjusted to life without him, because we have had to, but I think we both quite regularly feel the wrongness of that absence.

We're heading into autumn when the air starts turning crisp and cool. The sofa blankets will start being used and I will remember how much he loved lap cuddles and blanket time. Opening a book would signal Aragorn jumping up and curling up with me whilst I read. He would stay with me for hours. He was so patient and determined. If I needed to get up, I could just place him on the sofa and when I came back he would just climb back on and go back to sleep.

Sometimes grief is bittersweet and calming. Thinking of him or a specific memory and smiling. It's tinged with sadness but for the most part those times are a comfort.

I want to think about him. I want to remember the cuddles and his personality. I never want to pretend like he never existed.

Other times grief is this sharp thing that lives in the shadows just waiting. I can be doing or thinking about something quite else and then suddenly I'm crying and feeling the loss and it's especially raw.

A part of me is astounded that it has been a year already. I think it's probably because those memories of that final week are still so incredibly vivid, like I can almost touch them.

I feel like I talk about Aragorn a lot still. People might think that is strange but I still love him so much and it just doesn't feel right to consign him to the past.

Today, I have written him a card. I am wearing the dress I wore where he took his final sleep. We will light a candle for him, and reflect on the most basic and best truth: that he loved us and we loved him.

Together we will live forever.