I broke the reading stalemate yesterday. The house still feels weird, but I tried to do some of my normal things. It's getting chilly so I got the first stew of the season going in the slow cooker. It's hearty, comforting food and the smell permeates the house and embraces like a hug.
I also got under a blanket and opened a book. It definitely felt strange and I felt the absence of Aragorn in my lap. He always loved blanket and book time and it's so hard seeing my empty lap, knowing how much he would love it there.
The book I chose for this moment was The Pet Loss Guide by Millie Jacobs and so far, it has been very validating. One of the recommendations is to journal, so I am going to continue to blog through my grief process as it helps to have somewhere to just dump my BIG FEELINGS.
It's been a week since losing Aragorn and the last couple of weeks have felt very surreal and uniquely awful.
I don't think we're establishing a new normal yet. I have generalised anxiety. Adam is tired. Hardy is skittish.
I'm lonely but it's a very specific loneliness. I'm lonely for Aragorn's cuddles, where he would sleep and stretch out on my lap for hours, or nap on my chest with me. I'm lonely for the digestive biscuit smell of his toe beans. I'm lonely for the way Aragorn uses to love being picked up and held by Adam, flopped on his back, or following him from room to room. I'm lonely for his adorable skip-trot for his food.
I still haven't gotten accustomed to what used to be routine, suddenly being gone. We're still feeling a bit all at sea and actively missing Aragorn.
The frame for his paw prints arrived today. I'm just waiting for the locket for his fur. It is comforting having these memento mori, having somewhere to look and focus on. I've gone over to stroke his urn sometimes, and I've spoken to him and told him how much we love and miss him.
I'm not constantly crying now, which I suppose is progress, but I feel a bit more numb and apathetic about life in general.
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