I've been having a low couple of days so here I am. I don't think I had anything that really qualifies as sleep last night due to being in migraine territory.
It's difficult to settle down to sleep when it feels like your skull is being splintered open with tinnitus and spiky pain.
For the most part, I've been plodding along quite well. I think the culprit has been a persistent cold that has been lingering for weeks and has been nudging me closer to flare-up-ville.
It's disheartening sometimes to feel like I'm walking on eggshells around my own body. Always having to think about placating it and keep things quiet and calm.
To be tentative and anxious about triggering a migraine attack or pelvic pain or chronic fatigue or the many other symptoms always ready to pounce.
That can be exhausting in its own way. An element of living in fear of laying myself out because I don't want to take time off work or feel like a burden to people. It's when my brain feels the fatigue that my body soon follows and then I'm done.
Sometimes I suppose I just need to feel the loss of things I can't do, or rather, can't do as frequently or without a load of planning. It's like I'm always in negotiations with my own body.
Like, for example, wanting to undertake a project of a complete reorganisation of my bookcases. I've been wanting to do it for at least two years. I knew it was going to be a lot of work (for me) and when I've booked time off work for other things like Hallowe'en etc., I always say I'll use some of the time off to tackle it but then I've needed that time to recover from the main event so I don't provoke the monster.
In the end, I booked off a week at work specifically for the bookcase project, and it worked. I got a lot done and it was a great feeling to see the end result. There is still some work on it to finish but the bulk of it has been done. That was a great mental hurdle to get over.
I know I will get over this mental low point. I'm just cranky from painsomnia and needed a scream into the void.
To end this post on a more positive note, the codeine has been quieting the migraine so it hasn't so far resulted in a full on monster attack.
My lovely husband surprised me with a gift earlier today and I'm currently warm under a blanket with Hardy curled up in my lap.